


Martyrdom

by BurnWithMe



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Some Fluff, don't know what else to say without giving away plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-24 02:07:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6137688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurnWithMe/pseuds/BurnWithMe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>//“If we kill Clarke, she will only become a martyr.” Hannah Green looked down at the ground, pulling her jacket tightly around her. If only the circumstances had been different, maybe none of this would have happened.</p>
<p>Pike’s lips tightened. “Then find someone else to do it. A senseless murder or an accident; as long as it’s not traced back to us. And in time, the world will forget.”//</p>
<p>Lexa is warned by Costia in a dream that people are trying to kill Clarke. Can Lexa save her and figure out her emotions in the process? Will Clarke meet a similar fate as Costia?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Martyrdom

“If we kill Clarke, she will only become a martyr.” Hannah Green looked down at the ground, pulling her jacket tightly around her. If only the circumstances had been different, maybe none of this would have happened.

 

Pike’s lips tightened. “Then find someone else to do it. A senseless murder or an accident; as long as it’s not traced back to us. And in time, the world will forget.” 

 

Hannah didn’t say anything, what could she say really? This wasn’t the life she was used to, the life she knew. She looked at Monty chatting with Miller in the distance. Could she really justify killing an eighteen year old, killing Monty’s friend. On the Ark, she wouldn’t have dreamed of it, but now? She hated that she wasn’t completely appalled.

 

They were quiet for a long moment and Hannah could practically hear the gears in Pike’s head spinning. 

 

Hannah sighed. “How would we do it?”

 

Pike grinned, his smile less than warm. “We’ll figure it out, it can’t be that hard. We have technologies that the savages don’t have.” 

 

“Yeah, I guess…” she trailed off. This was originally about survival, not ruthless killing. She understood that sacrifices had to be made but she couldn’t help think about her son. What would she do if Monty was in Clarke’s place? Could she give the thought of killing him the same consideration she was giving Pike’s idea? 

 

Hannah looked over at Pike. It was hard to see his eyes that were shaded by the night and she couldn’t read his face, couldn’t see his emotions beyond his smile. It was hard to believe this was the same person she knew on the Ark, the caring friend turned ruthless killer. Was this really the effect of power? She didn’t know. 

 

“We’ll figure it out…” she echoed.

 

* * *

 

Lexa remembered this part of the forest all too well. She could easily pinpoint the tree she lost her virginity in, the same tree she had cried in when she found Costia’s head on a pike. The sun shone on her face as she walked around, trying to figure out why she was dreaming she was here again.

 

“Alex! I’m up here!” The name caught Lexa’s attention immediately. The only person who had called her Alex was Costia. Lexa looked up and staggered back, mouth agape. Costia was sitting in the tree above her, idly kicking her legs as her dark curls flowed in the slight breeze. 

 

Lexa shook her head and balled her hands into fists. “Who are you?” she snapped, refusing to give into the illusion of her doomed lover.

 

Costia cocked an eyebrow. “I’ve only been dead for three years, Alex. Did you forget me already?”

 

“ _ Costia  _ died three years ago. You’re not her.” Lexa turned to walk off before she felt a hand on her shoulder. Lexa looked and saw Costia behind her, no longer in her tree. 

 

Lexa stared at the warm brown hand on her shoulder for a long second. “What do you want?”

 

“Hey I’m just coming to warn you, but if you don’t want the warning, it’s cool.” She shrugged and removed her hand from Lexa’s shoulder before turning and walking.

 

Warning? What could that mean? This wasn’t the previous commanders usual way of giving warnings. Usually it was glimpses into their own lives, their pain warning her of her pain yet to come. Why hadn’t it been this way this time? Perhaps they thought that she would listen to Costia more.

 

“Wait Tia.”

 

Costia turned and smirked. “That’s what I thought. It’s about that girl you love.”

 

Lexa took a deep breath. "I don't love anyone."   
  
"You loved me,” Costia said softly, frowning slightly.

  
Lexa looked away, not wanting her face to give away her emotions. "That was different, I didn't know much then. I didn’t know the pain of love, the pain of losing people you love.”

 

“Alex, I know how hard this Heda business is. I know how much you’ve lost: Me, Anya, Gustus. They say hi by the way.”

 

“So you know I can’t love, why I can’t feel anything.”

 

Costia smiled sadly and put her hands on Lexa’s shoulders once more. “Hey, Alexandria, look at me. Just because you get hurt doesn’t mean you can tell your heart what to feel. Hearts are shady little pricks, they do what they want and you can’t control them.”

 

Lexa straightened up. “I can most certainly control them.” 

 

“But what good does that do? You still feel, and pushing away feelings never works. Believe me, I pushed away my crush on you for so long because I was just a trader and you were a nightblood. And look who ended up giving in to feelings and asked you out.”

 

“You were weak,” Lexa snapped, suddenly pulling away from Costia and crossing her arms. “I don’t let my emotions control me, you were able to because of your position but I can’t. I fell for you and I learned from my experience and I won’t make that same mistake again. Thanks for the lesson, Costia.”

 

Costia’s face fell at Lexa’s harsh words. She couldn’t possibly mean what she was saying, she wasn’t like this. The Lexa she knew wasn’t callous and cruel, she was gentle and loving. Even with all she’d been through, she didn’t lose that.

 

“I’ll leave you be. The warning was just going to be that people are trying to kill Clarke… I don’t know how many or who they are, only that they are. And it’s not like everyone else trying to kill her, these people are organized and motivated. You can wake up now Alex, it was nice seeing you again.”

 

“Wait, Tia I’m sorry. You always knew I wasn’t good with emotions. You’re not weak, you’re just… different. I can’t afford to be the same way.” 

 

“I know. I wish it were different, I really do. I wonder how it would end if the truth was rewritable…”

 

Lexa smiled, wrapping Costia up in a gentle embrace. “Don’t we all? Goodbye Costia.” Part of her wanted to stay here with Costia. It was hard to be without her, and she’d be lying if she said the loss of Costia didn’t still haunt her.

 

“Goodbye Alexandria. I’ll find you again one day,” Costia said, pecking Lexa’s cheek.

 

“I hope so.” 

 

Costia nodded and faded, taking the forest with her. 

 

The image of Costia was replaced by Clarke as Lexa slowly blinked awake.

 

“Hey,” Clarke said gently, sitting down on Lexa’s bed with her, “you okay? I heard you talking in your sleep...sounded like you were talking to Costia.”

 

Lexa shrugged, pulling her legs to her chest. “I’m alright.”

 

Lexa felt Clarke’s eyes boring into her, almost as if she was trying to read her soul. Maybe she could tell something Lexa could not, maybe she could see if she was truly okay or not because Lexa certainly did not know. 

 

“Was there something that you wanted Clarke?”

 

Clarke took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, raking her fingers through her hair. “Why do you have so many candles.”

 

Lexa’s eyes widened at Clarke’s question. She knew she would eventually have had to answer this question, but she didn’t think it would be so soon. She wanted time to prepare herself.

 

“They represent the people I’ve lost. There’s one for each of them.”

 

“You’ve lost a lot of people.”

 

“So have you.” 

 

Clarke shrugged, drawing in her legs to match Lexa’s. Lexa could tell that this indifference was only an act. She remembered the girl who had burst into her tent with her head held high despite the caution in her eyes. Clarke carried herself differently now. She was more confident but didn’t hold her head quite as high and no longer smiled freely. Her smiles were small quiet things, like Lexa imagined she had been long ago. 

 

“Does it ever get easier? Losing someone, I mean.”

 

Lexa reflected on her conversation with Costia. Someone was trying to kill Clarke. She could very possibly lose her too, making her heart one person heavier. How heavy could it get before it shattered?

 

“I don’t know. Perhaps with time, but I have not seen that length of time yet. My heart is heavy with the losses it carries; I can imagine yours is too.”

 

Clarke sighed, pulling her legs from her chest and setting them back on the bed. “Do you ever wonder who we would have been if we lived before the bombs? Would we see loss so early in our lives? Would we be able to live without death looming over us every second? Would we...would we be allowed to love?”

 

“I do...sometimes…” Lexa replied quietly. The thought hung in the air for several minutes as the two stared at each other.

 

“I wish things were different,” Clarke said, scooting herself up the bed to sit next to Lexa.

 

“I do too,” Lexa said, dropping her gaze to Clarke’s lips. When Lexa looked back into Clarke’s eyes, she saw the hesitation she’d grown all too accustomed to lately. But there was also a sadness in them she hadn’t seen before. For a moment she wondered if Clarke wanted to make this work just as much as she did. The moment didn’t last, however, and the thoughts were quickly cast from her mind as she drew her legs into her chest once more.

 

“Hey hey hey, don’t do that,” Clarke said gently, pulling Lexa’s legs from her chest. “Maybe things don’t have to be different for this to work.”   
  
Lexa’s head snapped up, her eyebrows raised in surprise. “I want this, I really do…” Her words trailed off as her gaze dropped to the furs on her bed. “But how would this work? I’m the commander, and one way or another everyone I care about always ends up dead.”

 

“Do we have to work it out now? Can’t we feel for a little bit and work it out later?” Clarke’s eyes pleaded as she took Lexa’s hands in her own.

 

Lexa closed the distance between them in response, burying her fingers into Clarke’s hair. Clarke moaned in response, goosebumps making their way to the surface of her skin. Lexa took Clarke’s top lip in between her teeth, gasping as Clarke’s nails raked down her back.

 

“Heda.” Titus said suddenly, bursting in from outside Lexa’s quarters, as Clarke and Lexa jumped apart.

 

“Sha?”

  
“Paik kom skaikru gaf chich yu op.”  _ Pike of the sky people wishes to talk to you. _

**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Hate it? Please comment! (It motivates me to write faster) :)


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